What to Do When the Other Parent Doesn't Follow the Parenting Time Agreement: A Step-by-Step Guide for Co-Parenting After a Separation

Co-parenting after a separation can be challenging, especially when the other parent doesn't stick to the parenting time agreement. This situation can be stressful and may impact your children's well-being. However, addressing the issue quickly and effectively is vital for fostering a healthy environment for your children. We explore what happens when one parent denies the other parent their agreed-upon or court-ordered parenting time or contact, as well as what steps the court can take if a parent fails to show up for scheduled time with their child.

Understand Your Parenting Order or Agreement

Before taking action, grasp the details of your parenting order or agreement. This document clearly outlines parenting time, visitation rights, schedules, and any additional details. Make sure to carefully review the language used and pinpoint any specific provisions that the other parent has overlooked. For instance, if your agreement states that the children should be with you every other weekend but that hasn’t happened for three weekends in a row, that's a clear deviation. Familiarizing yourself with these terms will help you communicate any breaches effectively and take necessary actions if the issues continue.

When Denial of Parenting Time or Contact Happens

If your agreement or court order sets out a specific schedule for parenting time or contact, the other parent must follow it. If they refuse without a valid reason, a judge can intervene.

When is it NOT Wrongful to Deny Parenting Time?

Denying parenting time or contact is not considered wrongful if there is a reasonable risk that the child could be harmed by either Family violence or the Impairment from drugs or alcohol on the part of the parent exercising contact or parenting time. In these situations, protecting the child is paramount. However, if there is no legitimate threat of harm, the denial may be considered wrongful, and the courts can help enforce or adjust your arrangement.

Communicate Openly and Calmly

Upon identifying any deviations from the agreement, calmly approach the other parent. Open communication can often resolve misunderstandings before they escalate. Set up a time to talk in person or over the phone, ideally in a neutral setting. Express your concerns about missed commitments without sounding accusatory. Using “I” statements can be effective, such as, “I feel worried when our agreed schedule is not followed.” This phrasing helps maintain a constructive tone, making it easier for the other parent to hear your concerns.

Document Everything

Keeping detailed records of any instances where the parenting time agreement is not followed is essential. Log each occurrence, including dates, times, and descriptions, alongside records of your communications. For example, if the other parent missed a scheduled pickup on March 3rd and didn’t notify you until March 4th, be sure to document that. This information may prove crucial if further actions, such as mediation or court involvement, become necessary.

Offer Amended Solutions

If open communication doesn't yield positive results, consider suggesting amendments to the existing agreement.

Offering flexible solutions might encourage cooperation. For example - if work commitments are causing difficulties, propose alternative times for visitation that can suit both of you. If your original schedule included visits every Saturday but the other parent finds Saturdays challenging, suggesting a shift to Sundays may work better. Adaptability can help foster goodwill and potentially improve the co-parenting situation for everyone involved.

Seek Mediation

If direct communication fails, consider seeking mediation for a neutral resolution.

Professional Family Mediators accredited by the Law Society of British Columbia, specialize in handling co-parenting disputes and can facilitate constructive conversations between you and the other parent. According to statistics, 60 to 80 percent of mediation cases resolve without needing court intervention. This not only addresses immediate concerns but can also help strengthen the co-parenting relationship over time. For examples of Mediation that are offered to low-income parties look at programs such as the Virtual Family Mediation Program offered by Access Pro Bono BC which allows both parties to attend a virtual mediation session with a qualified family mediator accredited in B.C., provided that at least one parent meets the income requirements. More information about the Virtual Family Mediation Program program can be found Here.

Consider Legal Enforcement

In some scenarios, taking legal action to enforce the parenting order may be necessary.

Your attorney can assist you in filing a motion with the court to address violations. Courts may remind the other parent of their obligations and can impose consequences for continued disregard of the agreement. For example, noncompliance can lead to a modification of custody or visitation arrangements in the best interest of the children.

Possible Court Remedies

When parenting time or contact is wrongfully denied, the Supreme Court of BC pursuant to the Family Law Act and Supreme Court Family Rules, can order several remedies to address the problem and prevent it from happening again. Most of the time, extraordinary remedies such as contempt of court which means imprisonment for the denying parent or police involvement to enforce parenting time by providing a police enforcement clause are not used, because the courts recognize these measures are rarely in the child’s best interest. The other remedies available to you might include:

1. Make-Up or Compensatory Parenting Time: The judge may grant extra time with the child to compensate for any missed visits.

   
   

2. Family Dispute Resolution or Counseling: Both parents could be required to attend sessions to resolve the underlying issues causing the denial.

   
   

3. Reimbursement of Expenses: If you lost wages, paid for childcare, or had other expenses due to the wrongful denial, the judge could order the other parent to pay those costs.

   
   

4. Fines or Monetary Penalties: In more serious cases, a judge may order the denying parent to pay a fine or pay money directly to the other parent.

But Remember, a parent cannot deny the other parent their parenting time or contact because of missed or late child support payments. If child support is not being paid, there are other ways to enforce payment.

Keep Your Children’s Well-Being Front and Center

Throughout this process, prioritize your children's well-being. It's easy to let frustration with the other parent dominate your thoughts, but your children's emotional health is what matters most. Protect them from conflicts and strive to maintain positive interactions. Encourage them to share their feelings, ensuring they feel supported.

Foster a Positive Co-Parenting Relationship

After addressing immediate issues, think about how to nurture a healthier co-parenting relationship moving forward.

Regular check-ins to discuss schedules and involving both parents in crucial decisions about parenting can strengthen your working relationship. Promoting respect and understanding across households creates a more stable environment for the children. Studies show that children thrive in cooperative co-parenting dynamics, which can lead to better emotional outcomes.

Utilize Available Resources

Many resources can help co-parents facing parenting order violations.

Books, online forums, and family support groups provide valuable advice and shared experiences that can assist you. For instance, a book like "Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex" can offer strategies to navigate difficult relationships. Utilizing these resources can help ease the emotional weight of co-parenting challenges.

Co-parenting after a separation poses various challenges, especially when one parent doesn't follow the parenting order. By approaching the situation with understanding, maintaining open communication, and staying focused on the children's welfare, you can navigate these difficulties more effectively. Documenting incidents, engaging in constructive dialogue, and seeking support when needed can lead to better outcomes. With commitment and a proactive approach, you can work towards creating a healthier co-parenting relationship that ultimately benefits your children.

Contact a Lawyer

If non-compliance remains a pattern despite your best efforts, consulting with a skilled BC family lawyer may be necessary.

The lawyers at SiLaw Group Family Lawyers and Mediators can evaluate your unique situation and offer personalized advice on potential next steps. They can clarify your rights and options under your specific parenting order. We can provide guidance on your options and how to proceed with enforcing, modifying, or otherwise addressing parenting arrangements in the best interest of your child. Did you know that parents who seek legal guidance are often more successful at enforcing parenting agreements? Book here to schedule a no-strings attached 30 minute consultation on either the phone, virtually, or in-person at our Surrey and White Rock based law office. This step ensures you are well-prepared if you need to pursue legal resolution.